Look Back and Cringe Contest

Everyone is saying that the 80's are making a big comeback in fashion. You'll have to drag me kicking and screaming back there. No long sweaters and leggings please. No ripped sweatshirts. Please, please no big giant hair with mall bangs. And I am absolutely not growing my eyebrows back out to look like giant Brooke Shields catepillar brows.

Being a banana clip away from a Styx concert got such a strong reaction from everyone (it even brought our pal Roger Clinton out of lurkdom into the comment light, hooray!) that you have inspired me to hold another contest.

What special outfit did you have in the 80's that make you resist going back to the 80's now? Was it the layers of purple eyeshadow? Was it your Madonna inspired headband? Was it the blouse with the giant sleeves? What is that special look that you so loved back then that makes you cringe now. I mean real embarrassment. Tell me why you don't want to do the 80's all over again on your blog. Be brave, this is no time for some wimpy "leave it in my comments" contest. We are talking the return of lycra leggings people, blog about it! The winner will get something special in the way of yarn.

I will confess, my 80's fashion transgressions were numerous. My absolute worst was a turquoise outfit that included rip-stop nylon pants. The pants had a ton of puffy pleats on the top and then tapered to very small ankles. These wonders were topped with a turquoise and white striped sailor shirt that had puffy sleeves. I wore this with my purple eye shadow, plastic turquoise button earrings (the bigger the better) and (gasp) RED ballet flats (white socks of course). I loved this outfit. I bought it myself with money I earned working at the insurance office after school (yes, I've been a big old insurance geek since I was 17). Oh God, I felt cute in this outfit. Oh does the thought make me cringe now!!

Obviously the benefits of going back are numerous.

• We all await the death of the muffin top and the tramp stamp with eager anticipation.
• If we can fashionably go back to butt covering sweaters, we can put away our "Firm" steps and get off the stairmaster.
• If I never see another chubby teenager's belly hanging out of a crop top or a too tight shirt, it will be too soon (as my friend Dan says, there is such a thing as too much self esteem in children)
• Maybe stores will start selling t-shirts in real sizes again. I have to buy large or even xl sometimes at places like Old Navy and The Gap. I'm a size 6/8 and have virtually no chest. I don't know what you do if you're an average size like 12/14 and actually have a chest. I guess you just can't buy Old Navy t-shirts most of the time.
• I will be the first one at the flat-iron bonfire. I will be swinging it over my head by the cord screaming, "I have curly hair and I'm proud of it!"
• Maybe we can find clothes that don't look like you're on your way to party with Paris Hilton. I need some coverage people!! I work at a "firm". Yes, people refer to my company as "the firm" and they wear ties. I can't dress like I'm headed off to a taping of TRL.
• Flat shoes. I miss flats. I miss comfy toes. I have seen a lot of rounded toes in shoes stores lately and this is a sign. I love how my legs look in pointy-toed stilleto heels, but my hamstrings are now aproximately one fourth their original length.

There will be negatives to going back to some version of 80's fashions:

• Spandex, need I say more?
• Those butt covering sweaters take a whole lot of yarn. A whole lot. And knitting another 8-10 inches on the bottom of sweaters is going to take time.

So let's all look back and cringe together shall we? Contest will run through Sunday September 24th, winner announced on Monday September 25th.

"I'm plenty fashionable already. Does the return of the 80's mean the return of real dogs? Not just teeny-tiny purse-sized dogs that are worn as an accessory? I'm all for that!"