Interpretive Ice Dancing

Or WTF? Some of these couples are married and they better be! If some guy is going to swing me around by my privates in front of a worldwide audience, I better have a ring on my finger. This is just yucky. I know these people are athletes and they are doing something I could not possibly do but pleeze! Where did they get some of these lifts? The Kama Sutra, or pay-per-view late at night? And after each couple is done all Dick Buttons can say is "that was very pleasant to watch". Stop the madness already! I can't take no more. Don't e-mail me to tell me I don't understand the artistry of ice dancing or that I could just change the channel. I know all that. I just don't care.