Monday, March 13, 2006

Ranting

I have absolutely nothing knitting to write. I have been an absolute witch with a "b" all day. I have been completely unable to embrace life and all it's ups and downs today. It snowed heavy, wet, March in Minnesota snow all night and this morning. It took me an hour and 45 minutes to complete my half-hour commute to work this morning and I think it set the mood for the entire day.

I don't want to whine or make excuses, but in October I learned I have Grave's disease. Now anything condition that has the word disease in it automatically sounds horrible. It's not. It's livable and I really am getting better, but one of the symptoms of Grave's is irritability. Before my diagnosis, I would have just uncontrollable irritability for days at a time. Imagine your worse PMS rage stretching for weeks at a time. Now, I'm medicated and it doesn't happen very often, but when it does, it sucks. It's like watching a runaway train and not being able to do anything about it. I know I'm being nuts and over-sensitive but I can't stop it.

Grave's is a form of hyperthyroidism. It's less common than hypothyroidism, which is when your thyroid is sluggish and doesn't work. You're tired and can't lose weight. Just about everyone knows someone on a synthetic thyroid because of hypothyroidism. Women go in and get diagnosed more easily because when you've been laying on the sofa, crying about being fat, a large portion of each day you go see your doctor.

Grave's is much more subversive in my opinion. You have tons of energy. You eat whatever you want and you don't gain weight. Who goes to the doctor for that? Then comes the heart fluttering and the sudden, brief high blood pressure you can hear in your ears. Who wants to go to the doctor for that? You're only going to get bad news about your heart. Then there is the weird trembling in your fingers or thumbs. Who wants to be told they have MS? It's probably just too much knitting. So you attribute all these symptoms to other things and sometimes so do your doctors. Then comes the weird eye thing. Somehow Grave's swells the tissue around your eyes and make them bulge. In me it's only one eye. People tell me that can't really tell, but it's all I see.

So today I was crazy Grave's girl. Now I feel better, but I'm exhausted. 19 more months of treatment and they believe I'll be "cured". I can't wait. I'll knit tomorrow. I'll be entertaining and funny tomorrow. Tonight I just want to apologize to everyone for being a giant raw nerve today. I'm sorry if you are one of the people I snapped at. I'm sorry that I had no patience or attention span. I'm sorry I was a bitch. I'm going to sleep.

1 comment:

laurie said...

Oh oh oh.... a big virtual cheesy cat-hair-covered hug from los angeles :)