End of Vacation

Seriously, how fast does vacation fly by? I have more vacation days than my entire immediate family and nearly every other human except those working for the federal government (they get Columbus Day and Mickey Mouse's birthday as holidays you know). So I take my va-kay and hang out at home. Me and my dogs and my knitting.

Here is what I can tell you about my at-home vacations:

1. I never get as much done as I plan to do before the vacation begins
2. I knit more than I probably should
3. I spend more time looking at yarn than your average 23 year old guy spends looking at porn

On the plus side on the particular at-home vacation:

1. I re-connected (I was going to say, "hooked up" but that sounds dirty) with a bunch of people I haven't seen in years
2. I now have two projects on the needles and two projects in que
3. I have a very clean house
4. I'm addicted to namaste yoga

So there you have it, my vacation in a nutshell.. Very long lunches (I set a new personal best of 7 hours) with old friends. Knitting. Planning knitting. None of the extremely productive things I had planned for my vacation. Thankfully, I have a week off in June. I'm sure I will accomplish many important things. Reach long-standing personal goals. And find new stuff to knit.

Summer Time (and the livin' is cheesy)

Form a little conga line and chant, "I am on vay-kay-shun, I am on vay-kay-shun". Yes, I have the next nine days without work. No TSA lines. No quart bags of nail polish. No hotels. No insurance emergencies. WHOO HOO!!!! Yeah baby.

So tonight, being a supportive wife and all, I decided to mix myself a little vodka drink, pick up a stack of magazines, and go sit under a nice shady tree while my husband fought with dead branches and weeds. It's a nice bonding time. Me and the dogs all laid out under the tree cheering him on.

I have no plans for my time off except to have lunch with old friends. Get my nails done. Do a little gardening. (not in that order of course). Maybe build a handicap ramp for Maggie. My very old and arthritic dog.

And knitting of course. I have knitters elbow right now from knitting a sweater with Tessin. I adore this yarn. I saw it at String of Purls in Omaha and fell in love. But every pattern I saw was for baby blankets. So I decided the hell with it, I've got 10 skeins, I'm making me a sweater. Ouch. It's a great yarn but not very springy so it's a bit like knitting with cotton which never works very well for me. But it's going to be a darn cute sweater. A nice pattern from Wendy Bernard that I found in Knitscene. It's just got me with the knitting elbow.

So a couple months ago I was having lunch with my friend Kate (yeah, it is easier to have friends with the exact same name as me) and she says, "You need to be on facebook". U-huh. Just like I need the newest Fergie CD or a tramp stamp. Not. "No really, all our old friends from jr. high and high school are there and you can re-connect with them." Kate has never really steered my wrong. She introduced me to peanut butter and bacon sandwiches after all. So I logged on to Facebook.

First let me tell you, it's no Ravelry. No one is talking about yarn. Or projects. Clearly Facebook is a strange and alien universe where no one is obsessed with fiber. And that is wrong, very wrong. But I have connected with the people that "knew me when" and I've got to admit it's been pretty darn fun. Of course no one who "knew me when" knows that I write an extremely sporadic but well-stalked knitting blog.

No offense, but how sad is it that this is my secret edgy life? Seriously.

&^*%^&^*())_

Damn it. I just wrote a really nice little entry about reality t.v. and how an intervention might be in my future and then it got lost in cyberfog. Damn it.

So muttering bad words I will try to recreate my previous writing although I don't know if I'm going to be able to remember all my pithy comments verbatim.

Last week I was in Denver on business. Tuesday night after work I stopped at the liquor for a bottle of chardonnay and at Mad Greens for a salad (Ty Cobb with lo-fat ranch), returned to my hotel room, put up my feet and turned on the t.v. Four hours later, feeling like I needed a shower, I turned off the t.v. and went to bed. I set a new personal best for wasteful t.v. watching. I watched three hours of "The Biggest Loser" season finale (ten minutes of content stretched into three hours of show); "Dancing With The Stars" to see who got whacked this week; "The Real Housewives of NY" season finale; and finally "The Real Housewives of NJ". That's a lot of channel flipping my friends. Not for amateurs. I actually went to bed that night feeling a little grossed out that I had actually watched all night. Thank goodness for knitting so that I can kid myself that I was being a little productive by knitting myself a sweater while watching.

You would think I would have learned my lesson, but Wednesday night I ended up right back in that chair watching the season finale of "America's Next Top Model" followed by "Who Wants to Be a Supermodel". Seriously I might need an intervention.

If you are thinking about becoming a reality t.v. addict but don't have 6 hours of quality sitting on your ass time, I highly recommend "Paranormal States" on A&E. This is seriously the campiest (not intentionally) show on t.v. In a recent episode Chip Coffey (the all time best gay t.v. psychic in the world) takes out a little spritzer bottle of holy water and starts pumping away while the rest of the team chants prayers to St. Michael. Seriously. Reality t.v. 'cause you just can't make this shit up.

Next time: knitters elbow and facebook.

This Week's Absurdity

So yesterday I had the "Today" show on while getting ready for work and they were showing a segment on planning your own funeral. Meredith was interviewing two women who wrote a book, "Grave Expectations" because they felt that the funerals they had been to recently were dull. Hey, I'm all for putting the fun back in funeral but one of their suggestions really threw me. Gift bags. Huh? Gift bags at a funeral? Have we really become so materialistic that we expect swag at funerals?

What the hell what you put in a funeral swag bag? I want the goodies handed out at my funeral to reflect my personality so I've come up with some ideas.

• hand sanitizer
  
• a ball of nice wool yarn
  
• WWKY bracelets (What Would Kate Yell, do they not make these? They should)
• A small bottle of really good vodka or mediocre chardonnay
  
• a small bird figurine denoting my irrational fear of flying animals
  
• a t-shirt that reads, "I didn't off Kate" (now that I'm a non-smoker we don't know for sure how I'll go)

I see by an RC comment that my family is lurking out there. I'm sure they'll have their own suggestions. Funeral gift bags, as my grandpa King woulda said, "sheesh".

So Now I'm on Facebook

Last Tuesday I had lunch with my oldest friend, Kate. Yes, we have the same name. It was very confusing to people when we were 9 but we've worked it out over the last 35 years and we are good with it. Take a moment to process and join us again. Ready? Okay, so we had lunch and she told me that she is on facebook and that I should join to because many of our friends from high school are there and I would find it interesting. 'kay.

So I have joined facebook and I have to tell you I'm struggling. Without hiding behind the pretense of a "knitting" blog or community I've really got nothing but random thoughts, most of which would offend at least half the population. So far I've mouthed off about how I don't think smoking is the scourge of society and how we need to stop picking on people who aren't a size 6. So I'm figuring give this facebook thing 6 months (at the outside) and I'll be asked to leave.

So what about the knitting? I'm knitting. I'm knitting plenty baby. I'm working on yet another pair of clog slippers. I'm knitting a sweater for my niece for her birthday. I'm knitting a couple of sweaters for me.

Not one of my "friends" on facebook seem to be all that interested in yarn and knitting. And I must admit, I look at this as a character flaw. I mean seriously, do they not enjoy fondling yarn? HAVE THEY FREAKING TRIED IT?

How can they really be friends? Really.

Home Improvement

I've been spiffing up the old homestead this week. My parents are coming to stay for a couple of days next week and I'm hosting a jewelry party next Friday so I figured I better do a couple of the projects I've been putting off.

I painted the main floor powder room, replaced the big dull contractor's mirror with a new oval mirror with a silver frame, and installed a new faucet. A few new towels and a rug and voila a new bathroom.

Giving me the motivation for completing this might be the only good thing about this whole home party thing. Last time I hosted a home party was like 1985. I hate home parties. I don't like attending them, I don't like hosting them. Most of the party presenters I've encountered are either of the scary "don't drink their kool-aid" or sad, "I'm a housewife who needs to make a buck" variety. The presenter that is coming next week seems to be unusually middle of the road and un-offensive or I never would have gotten sucked in to this in the first place.

Here is the thing, the hosting instruction manual starts with "invite 40 friends". Huh? I don't know that I've ever had 40 women friends. Not even in high school. I'm no shrinking violet but seriously with a job, a family, etc. I don't have time for 40 friends. I barely have time for the 5 friends I do have. When I do have strictly social time, I mostly spend it with my sister. Is this odd? Do most 44 year old women have 40 friends they hang with? Is this the same personality flaw that keeps me from committing to a knitting night group?

Then there is the having people in my house and wishing that my dog hadn't chewed the corners of the sofa cushions when she was a puppy. Plus I have to stow all my knitting somewhere while people are here. I have approximately a gazillion projects going right now and I have to stow the baskets somewhere because I'm having a home party.

Plus, what if no one buys a darn thing? What if they just drink all the wine and forget to buy jewelry and the unusually nice presenter turns into cult-member crazy high pressure sales person, thus alienating the few friends I do have? Then I'm really behind in the 40 friends count!

So Much Mucus

You know the really sad part, it I think I might have named a past post, So Much Mucus. That is my very snotty life I guess.

I am still trying to get rid of the last of my hideous mucus from the cold from hell. Which I would not have if my son was not kissing girls and bringing home, "girl germs no backs". Don't get me wrong I think his girl friend is adorable, and may well be better than he deserves, but I still don't want to have a mucus-y cold.

I have been continuing on my hat project, but I'm now concerned that the black with rainbow theme could be construed as juvenile, or gay. I'm okay with whimsically young at heart OR gay, but my male friend, Jeff in Denver, may not as he is neither whimsical nor gay.

So this month, February the shortest month of the year, I am in Connecticut one week and Denver another. So half of the month I will be on the road, This means of course that I will be blogging from the road and when I am unable to blog, Maxine Louise, basset hound from hell, will be blog-dogging in my absence.

So who else is watching, "Top Chef"? I just do not get the Leah/Hosea thing. My friend Becky would say, "Isn't it nice when dorks find each other?" but these two are driving me nuts. And can Leah please stop talking baby-talk? Seriously who does this? She keeps talking about how her mother doesn't want her to look like an idiot on t.v. and then baby-talks. Huh?

I missed all the great Super Bowl commercials, so if anyone can point me to a great resource to watch them online, please send me a link. I was flipping channels and I have to admit I watched a whole lot of the "Puppy Bowl".

So those are all my random mucus-y thoughts. When I am less mucus-y I will elaborate on my travels, dogs, fight with the State of Minnesota, random illness stuff, and knitting. But right now, in my current mucus-y state, this is all I've got.

So Let's Catch Up, Shall We?

Wow. When we last met, I was just changing jobs, trying to lose some weight, etc. Here are the highlights. I promise to go into detail in later postings.


I started walking about 18 months ago, but last August I decided I needed to take it to the next level and (cue scary music) joined a gym. I have been working my ass off and have not lost a single solitary pound. Last week, my endocrinologist (or more accurately her handy maternity-leave substitute) took my scale away and told me to stay off of it for the next couple of months. Meanwhile I have spent the last several months driving everyone around me crazy talking about endorphins and lean proteins. I'm not sure but I think I'm allowed to legally shoot the next person who tells me that muscle weighs more than fat.

My job is going great although I'm not selling as much as I had hoped. My manager is helping me out by adding Colorado to my territory but that means I am in Denver 1 week each month. Great for business not so much the mother, daughter, sister, wife gig. But count on travel stories in our future.

My kid is 16. He is driving, shaving, and kissing girls. He is taller than me. Sometimes he has nothing to say to me, sometimes he tells me so much that I am looking for the "eject" button. I cried in the Target parking lot the day I had to buy him his first electric razor. He likes me to travel because then he has a car to use. Basically, he'd trade me for a used Honda.

Miss Moo, my beloved basset hound, is just as insane as ever and we are still best girl friends. She still thinks that this is her blog and since most people identify it with her, I can't really blame her.

I do still knit constantly. I can't be held accountable if some miscellaneous knitting talk slips in here. Right now I'm working on an ear flap hat for my snowboarder friend/colleague in Denver. My son says that all my hats are cool looking but not warm enough so I'm making this one a little large and then felting it a tiny bit so that it will be warmer. I've got plenty of time since I'm not back to Denver for three weeks, plus I'm just lying around trying to get rid of this cold.

I should have called the Guinness Book people first thing this morning because I'm pretty sure I could have gotten the record for blowing my nose the in one day. I'm at about 8 million times now. My nose feels like it might fall off. I'm taking a conservative approach to treatment as I am not all that crazy about taking drugs so I'm on a strict chardonnay and dark chocolate plan. I don't know what it is doing medically, but I feel better.

Don't Fence Me In

I haven't written for a long time for a few reasons.

• When I found out my extended family was reading my blog the pressure was on.
• I don't think I'm really a proficient enough knitter to be a "knitting blogger".

Don't knitting bloggers have to go on to write pattern books? Doesn't that involve math? Why would I want to do that?

See, the pressure is enormous. I really miss the writing part though. The random thoughts out into cyberspace. I miss that. So I'm picking up the laptop again. I'm back on the damn horse. I'm thinkin' outloud.

Here is what I'm thinking today.

1. My throat is scratchy. I think I've caught my teenager's cold.
2. If my teenager hadn't started kissing girls he wouldn't have colds all the time.
3. Where am I going to buy wine now that "World Market" is closing in Minnesota?
4. Do you remember when A&E was ballet and foreign films? Now it's "Dog the Bounty Hunter" and a show about a hillbilly family that run an exterminator business.

Do you see why I can't be fenced in?