Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Kate's Cockamamie Medical Theories

I have been knitting. Really. But as you may know I have opinions on nearly everything so today I present my cockamamie medical theories. I have no science or empirical evidence behind these theories, they are simply mine.

  1. Everyone is on Prilosec, Nexium, etc. because everyone is addicted to highly caffienated, over-roasted Mc-coffee. I'm not naming names. We all have our favorite poison. I just don't think it's any coincidence that a few years after the $4.00 a cup coffee chain sprang up on every corner in America, we all have acid stomachs. I'm just sayin'. Kate's cockamamie health theory: try banning the char-roasted after noon.
  2. Heart disease is the #1 killer of women (not my theory). We have a whole generation of women, primarily older boomers, who grew up after the invention of electric appliances and before Title IX. They've never sweat or really worked hard. They wouldn't have dreamed of playing competitive sports even if there had been organized competitive sports to play. Their husband's have done the heavy work. My grandmother didn't own an automatic washer until the 1970's and then it was a little thing that washed and spun the majority of the water out so that she could lug it out back and hang it from the line. She never had an ounce of body fat. My mother thinks exercise is fine unless her heart beats too fast or she "glows" and then she's done. No offense mom. Kate's cockamamie health theory: sweat once in while for God's sake. If you can do it without buying a bunch of fancy workout clothes and subjecting yourself to some overly perky fitness instructor, even better.
  3. You feel better if you drink some water everyday, get 8 hours of sleep at night, are regular, and eat and drink in moderation. Laughing everyday is important. I think all of this makes your skin looks better too.

Okay, three of my cockamamie medical theories are probably enough for one day.


Chris said...

I can even get behind one or two of those. ;)

sydney said...

They're not that cockamamie. There are a couple that I would go with too. I don't know anyone who is taking Prilosec or Nexium or whatever. Course I live in the land of iced tea drinkers, no matter what the weather.

Guinifer said...

I totally buy all of your theories. But, seriously, were any of us born with common sense?

Carrie said...

I'm with you on all 3.

Unfortunately I think the heart disease "theory" will only get worse with all the drive-thru and convenience food being consumed.

Kelly said...

Char-roasted for sure! I am already picky about my coffee, I just don't know why anyone would drink Starbucks.