I've moved

Can't seem to limit myself to knititng so I've moved to: http://kantankerouskate.blogspot.com/

End of Vacation

Seriously, how fast does vacation fly by? I have more vacation days than my entire immediate family and nearly every other human except those working for the federal government (they get Columbus Day and Mickey Mouse's birthday as holidays you know). So I take my va-kay and hang out at home. Me and my dogs and my knitting.

Here is what I can tell you about my at-home vacations:

1. I never get as much done as I plan to do before the vacation begins
2. I knit more than I probably should
3. I spend more time looking at yarn than your average 23 year old guy spends looking at porn

On the plus side on the particular at-home vacation:

1. I re-connected (I was going to say, "hooked up" but that sounds dirty) with a bunch of people I haven't seen in years
2. I now have two projects on the needles and two projects in que
3. I have a very clean house
4. I'm addicted to namaste yoga

So there you have it, my vacation in a nutshell.. Very long lunches (I set a new personal best of 7 hours) with old friends. Knitting. Planning knitting. None of the extremely productive things I had planned for my vacation. Thankfully, I have a week off in June. I'm sure I will accomplish many important things. Reach long-standing personal goals. And find new stuff to knit.

Summer Time (and the livin' is cheesy)

Form a little conga line and chant, "I am on vay-kay-shun, I am on vay-kay-shun". Yes, I have the next nine days without work. No TSA lines. No quart bags of nail polish. No hotels. No insurance emergencies. WHOO HOO!!!! Yeah baby.

So tonight, being a supportive wife and all, I decided to mix myself a little vodka drink, pick up a stack of magazines, and go sit under a nice shady tree while my husband fought with dead branches and weeds. It's a nice bonding time. Me and the dogs all laid out under the tree cheering him on.

I have no plans for my time off except to have lunch with old friends. Get my nails done. Do a little gardening. (not in that order of course). Maybe build a handicap ramp for Maggie. My very old and arthritic dog.

And knitting of course. I have knitters elbow right now from knitting a sweater with Tessin. I adore this yarn. I saw it at String of Purls in Omaha and fell in love. But every pattern I saw was for baby blankets. So I decided the hell with it, I've got 10 skeins, I'm making me a sweater. Ouch. It's a great yarn but not very springy so it's a bit like knitting with cotton which never works very well for me. But it's going to be a darn cute sweater. A nice pattern from Wendy Bernard that I found in Knitscene. It's just got me with the knitting elbow.

So a couple months ago I was having lunch with my friend Kate (yeah, it is easier to have friends with the exact same name as me) and she says, "You need to be on facebook". U-huh. Just like I need the newest Fergie CD or a tramp stamp. Not. "No really, all our old friends from jr. high and high school are there and you can re-connect with them." Kate has never really steered my wrong. She introduced me to peanut butter and bacon sandwiches after all. So I logged on to Facebook.

First let me tell you, it's no Ravelry. No one is talking about yarn. Or projects. Clearly Facebook is a strange and alien universe where no one is obsessed with fiber. And that is wrong, very wrong. But I have connected with the people that "knew me when" and I've got to admit it's been pretty darn fun. Of course no one who "knew me when" knows that I write an extremely sporadic but well-stalked knitting blog.

No offense, but how sad is it that this is my secret edgy life? Seriously.

&^*%^&^*())_

Damn it. I just wrote a really nice little entry about reality t.v. and how an intervention might be in my future and then it got lost in cyberfog. Damn it.

So muttering bad words I will try to recreate my previous writing although I don't know if I'm going to be able to remember all my pithy comments verbatim.

Last week I was in Denver on business. Tuesday night after work I stopped at the liquor for a bottle of chardonnay and at Mad Greens for a salad (Ty Cobb with lo-fat ranch), returned to my hotel room, put up my feet and turned on the t.v. Four hours later, feeling like I needed a shower, I turned off the t.v. and went to bed. I set a new personal best for wasteful t.v. watching. I watched three hours of "The Biggest Loser" season finale (ten minutes of content stretched into three hours of show); "Dancing With The Stars" to see who got whacked this week; "The Real Housewives of NY" season finale; and finally "The Real Housewives of NJ". That's a lot of channel flipping my friends. Not for amateurs. I actually went to bed that night feeling a little grossed out that I had actually watched all night. Thank goodness for knitting so that I can kid myself that I was being a little productive by knitting myself a sweater while watching.

You would think I would have learned my lesson, but Wednesday night I ended up right back in that chair watching the season finale of "America's Next Top Model" followed by "Who Wants to Be a Supermodel". Seriously I might need an intervention.

If you are thinking about becoming a reality t.v. addict but don't have 6 hours of quality sitting on your ass time, I highly recommend "Paranormal States" on A&E. This is seriously the campiest (not intentionally) show on t.v. In a recent episode Chip Coffey (the all time best gay t.v. psychic in the world) takes out a little spritzer bottle of holy water and starts pumping away while the rest of the team chants prayers to St. Michael. Seriously. Reality t.v. 'cause you just can't make this shit up.

Next time: knitters elbow and facebook.

This Week's Absurdity

So yesterday I had the "Today" show on while getting ready for work and they were showing a segment on planning your own funeral. Meredith was interviewing two women who wrote a book, "Grave Expectations" because they felt that the funerals they had been to recently were dull. Hey, I'm all for putting the fun back in funeral but one of their suggestions really threw me. Gift bags. Huh? Gift bags at a funeral? Have we really become so materialistic that we expect swag at funerals?

What the hell what you put in a funeral swag bag? I want the goodies handed out at my funeral to reflect my personality so I've come up with some ideas.

• hand sanitizer
  
• a ball of nice wool yarn
  
• WWKY bracelets (What Would Kate Yell, do they not make these? They should)
• A small bottle of really good vodka or mediocre chardonnay
  
• a small bird figurine denoting my irrational fear of flying animals
  
• a t-shirt that reads, "I didn't off Kate" (now that I'm a non-smoker we don't know for sure how I'll go)

I see by an RC comment that my family is lurking out there. I'm sure they'll have their own suggestions. Funeral gift bags, as my grandpa King woulda said, "sheesh".

So Now I'm on Facebook

Last Tuesday I had lunch with my oldest friend, Kate. Yes, we have the same name. It was very confusing to people when we were 9 but we've worked it out over the last 35 years and we are good with it. Take a moment to process and join us again. Ready? Okay, so we had lunch and she told me that she is on facebook and that I should join to because many of our friends from high school are there and I would find it interesting. 'kay.

So I have joined facebook and I have to tell you I'm struggling. Without hiding behind the pretense of a "knitting" blog or community I've really got nothing but random thoughts, most of which would offend at least half the population. So far I've mouthed off about how I don't think smoking is the scourge of society and how we need to stop picking on people who aren't a size 6. So I'm figuring give this facebook thing 6 months (at the outside) and I'll be asked to leave.

So what about the knitting? I'm knitting. I'm knitting plenty baby. I'm working on yet another pair of clog slippers. I'm knitting a sweater for my niece for her birthday. I'm knitting a couple of sweaters for me.

Not one of my "friends" on facebook seem to be all that interested in yarn and knitting. And I must admit, I look at this as a character flaw. I mean seriously, do they not enjoy fondling yarn? HAVE THEY FREAKING TRIED IT?

How can they really be friends? Really.

Home Improvement

I've been spiffing up the old homestead this week. My parents are coming to stay for a couple of days next week and I'm hosting a jewelry party next Friday so I figured I better do a couple of the projects I've been putting off.

I painted the main floor powder room, replaced the big dull contractor's mirror with a new oval mirror with a silver frame, and installed a new faucet. A few new towels and a rug and voila a new bathroom.

Giving me the motivation for completing this might be the only good thing about this whole home party thing. Last time I hosted a home party was like 1985. I hate home parties. I don't like attending them, I don't like hosting them. Most of the party presenters I've encountered are either of the scary "don't drink their kool-aid" or sad, "I'm a housewife who needs to make a buck" variety. The presenter that is coming next week seems to be unusually middle of the road and un-offensive or I never would have gotten sucked in to this in the first place.

Here is the thing, the hosting instruction manual starts with "invite 40 friends". Huh? I don't know that I've ever had 40 women friends. Not even in high school. I'm no shrinking violet but seriously with a job, a family, etc. I don't have time for 40 friends. I barely have time for the 5 friends I do have. When I do have strictly social time, I mostly spend it with my sister. Is this odd? Do most 44 year old women have 40 friends they hang with? Is this the same personality flaw that keeps me from committing to a knitting night group?

Then there is the having people in my house and wishing that my dog hadn't chewed the corners of the sofa cushions when she was a puppy. Plus I have to stow all my knitting somewhere while people are here. I have approximately a gazillion projects going right now and I have to stow the baskets somewhere because I'm having a home party.

Plus, what if no one buys a darn thing? What if they just drink all the wine and forget to buy jewelry and the unusually nice presenter turns into cult-member crazy high pressure sales person, thus alienating the few friends I do have? Then I'm really behind in the 40 friends count!